What I’ve learnt most from coaching in the last 12 months
A year ago, I started my journey into coaching. Official coaching. It’s expanded my view on so many elements of how we think and operate. Why we do certain things, and just as importantly, why we don’t do others.
Here are the things that have stuck with me the most:
We are not weird, weak or alone – It’s remarkable how much people feel and think alike, but in different guises or scenarios. If you’re thinking about or going through something, rest assured a lot of people are in the same boat. Have faith that you’re doing OK and you can get there.
How little time and space we afford ourselves to think – being ‘always on’ and ‘having solutions not problems’ has become normalised, in work and in our private lives. We’ve been trained to view speed and busyness as a strength – the ability to give the answer before the question has even been asked, to multitask and have two conversations at the same time. It’s not an option to sit at your desk and stare into space thinking for 15 minutes!
It’s seen as weakness to say we don’t know and need to think about it. We are told that only the unprepared need time to think. In fact, the opposite is true. The best thinking and the right answers come from thought and deliberation. That means we can give an answer we are sure of and can deliver on.
Time and space to think can feel like an indulgence, but it’s fundamental to being sure of what we believe.
We have more options than we realise – When we don’t give ourselves time to think, we don’t always see the bigger picture and what is possible or available to us. There are usually more options than we think there are. Maybe not like for like, but there are usually different perspectives, approaches, alternatives or questions than we originally thought. Often it’s only when we pause and take a step back, talk things through and unpick our automated responses that we can see all the choices we can make.
There is strength and opportunity in vulnerability – making a conscious decision to pause and regroup is often hard and can feel exposing. Admitting we might not be doing it right or that we don’t necessarily have the right answer can make us feel vulnerable. But it is in these moments that we can see more than the narrow track we were on or perhaps where we’ve wandered off track. We can see who we are, what we need to do and what is important. How to get back to where we want to be and the new doors that have opened to enable us to get there.
We are all more capable than we realise – so often the biggest thing that gets in our way is us, ourselves. When we don’t listen to ourselves, think, process, or even imagine what we might do, we don’t support ourselves to succeed. When we give ourselves the tools and opportunities to do more, we usually do.
There are two key themes that jump out at me. First, trust yourself. Second, the importance of having time to think and how we limit ourselves when we don’t.
Coaching’s core is to give you the time and space to work things out – to do that thinking. Even if you don’t try coaching, try talking to yourself, out loud, walking down the street or while cleaning your home. It makes all the difference.